The Zoo

The zebra and rhino enclosure- soon to be with added small child

The World's most confusing sign. The addition of pictures seems to make it worse

Unfortunately there was no-one around to answer these childrens' age-old questions about tortoise

Surely every lion enclosure is dedicated to the memory of Johnny Cash?

For so long now I have had an urge to go to the zoo. It's probably 20 years since I set foot in one and the thought of seeing a zebra or a penguin is keeping me awake with excitement.

So today I headed off to Colchester Zoo with my sister and her husband of one year (how quickly that's flown!) and I got my wish.

But as much as I adored the animals, the day's highlight was the sheer randomness of the signage and the treat of running across the World's Stupidest Mum. Because the best way to hold your small child on the edge of a wild animal enclosure is nonchalantly with one arm.